I’m a sucker for puns (a pun-sucker?). I laugh out loud at good ones. I’ve found, however, that I am the exception in this respect. Most people are rather inclined to groan than guffaw. Nevertheless, I share the following for those kindred spirits who happen to visit. My thanks to Randi Crumrine, who passed most of these on to me some time ago. I added a few of my own.

• Those who jump off a bridge in Paris are in Seine.
• Shotgun weddings: a case of wife or death.
• Reading while sunbathing makes you well red.
• When two egotists meet, it’s an I for an I.
• A bicycle can’t stand on its own because it’s two-tired.
• Definition of a will: a dead give-away.
• Time flies like an arrow. Fruit flies like a banana.
• In a democracy, your vote counts. In feudalism, your count votes.
• A chicken crossing the road: poultry in motion.
• If you don’t pay your exorcist, you get repossessed.
• When she got married, she got a new name and a dress.
• Did you hear about the man who fell into an upholstery machine? He’s fully recovered.
• Did you hear about the glass blower who inhaled? He had a pane in his stomach.
• If you feel stuck in debt, it’s because you can’t budge it.
• A boiled egg in the morning is hard to beat.
• Those who are too big for their britches will be exposed in the end.
• If you’ve seen one shopping center, you’ve seen a mall.
• A midget fortune teller who breaks out of prison: a small medium at-large.

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